Daffyd - Birthday

EXT. Road Daffyd is ridding his bike down the road, his bike has a little red bell and pink basket mounted on the front. He then stops out side the pub and rubs his bottom after riding.

TOM V/O: Daffyd Thomas the local batty boy has been on a small ride out on his silly little girl’s bike. I used to have a girls bike, until I fell off it, it was very surprising because it has stabilisers on, Oww I cried for hours, although my wife had just left me.

INT. Pub Daffyd walks in wearing a Pink rubber suite with a small dickey bow tie and frilly cuffs, with a picture of a little pink poodle on the front. He walks in not noticing all the banners saying happy birthday and all his high school friends all in similar gay wear.

Myfanwy: Hello Daffyd you look tired

Daffyd: Hello Myfanwy, I am bloody tired, I had to ride 3 miles just to get a pint of milk.

Myfanwy: Why is that then Daffyd?

Daffyd: Because I am a gay.

Myfanwy looks confused but suddenly changes mood and starts smiling.

Daffyd: What are you smiling about?

Myfanwy: You Daffyd, You have come in and not noticed the banners.

Daffyd: What banner… Wow is this for me.

Myfanwy: Yes, I can’t have my favourite gay lonely on his birthday.

Daffyd: Oh I didn’t think you would care Myfanwy, being the only gay and all.

Myfanwy: Oh shut up Daffyd. Anyway have you not seen the people here?

Daffyd: Yes there are quite a few aren’t they.

Myfanwy: Yes there all your old friends from High School. Do you not remember?

Daffyd: Oh yeah I remember this person

Pulls Johnny to one side

Daffyd: Yeah he used to make fun of me for being gay.

Johnny: No I didn’t, I have never made fun of you Daffyd. You wasn’t gay in high school Daffyd.

Daffyd: Yes I was, I have always been gay.

Johnny: I don’t think you have Daffyd, we were always friends and you were never gay when I knew you. Anyway happy birthday to you Daffyd.

Myfanwy: Ok Daffyd, I have something very nice to tell you about everyone here.

Daffyd: Oh yes, what is this then.

Everyone stops talking

Myfanwy: Well it turns out, all your old friends are… gay Daffyd.

Daffyd: No they are not. I am the only gay in this village.

Myfanwy: Well Daffyd look around, do they look straight to you?

Daffyd: Err Err, you here

Pulls a friend to one side.

Daffyd: Are you gay? You don’t look gay. I mean anyone can dress like this.

Friend1: Yes im gay, I have been gay ever since I left school.

Friend2: Yes and me, I started being gay as soon as I met my first boyfriend in a gay bar. Nice lad he was, he had a nice firm… (Daffyd stops him)

Daffyd: Shut up, is everyone here a gay?

All: Yes!

Daffyd: Really?

All: Yes!

Daffyd: Right then, out now! Yeah you heard me get out you queer bastards.

Everyone starts to make there way out of the door, while Daffyd has taken his eye to one of the men. He shuts the door behind everyone.

Daffyd: He was very nice.

Myfanwy: yes he was, but he wasn’t gay Daffyd he just popped in with the glasses.

Daffyd: Oh you see Myfanwy it’s hard being a gay because very few people are gay.

Myfanwy: Ok Daffyd.

Myfanwy starts to dry more glasses.

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